Harlequin Love Inspired March 2021--Box Set 1 of 2 Page 16

  The rest of the afternoon she managed to keep too busy to have any time to spare thinking about either Simon or the possibility of losing her job. Gradually her emotions returned to normal, and she was able to take her usual interest in her customers. Everyone had a story to tell about how they’d weathered the flood, and in some ways they almost took pride in the fact of having survived.

  Also, the bond that had formed when the people of Lost Creek struggled with the flood seemed to make them a more tightly knit community. She was reminded of the Israelites fleeing Egypt, growing stronger as a people from the hardships they faced.

  Closing time came soon enough, and she was pleased to see Sarah moving through the routine with the efficiency of an expert. She remembered the conversation they’d had earlier and decided that Sarah was certainly proving that she was growing up.

  When Lydia said her goodbyes and headed for the stable, she was surprised to find Simon walking along beside her. When she glanced at him questioningly, he shrugged, his face serious.

  “I’ll help you harness up.” That was all he said, but she felt as if something troubling lurked beneath the surface.

  She unhooked the stall door and paused for a moment before leading Dolly out. “If there’s something wrong, I wish you’d tell me.” She managed to say it without looking at him.

  “There’s nothing wrong.” He bit off the words and then took a deep breath. “I have something to ask you.”

  Lydia looked up, startled. “What is it?”

  Simon sucked in another breath. “Lydia, will you marry me?”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Lydia could only stand there, shocked and stunned beyond belief. Simon had spoken the words she thought she’d never hear. Asked her the question she’d imagined but hadn’t expected. Why was she standing there speechless when he was offering her the gift she’d always dreamed of?

  Because there was something wrong. Shouldn’t Simon be looking at her with love in his eyes when he said those words? Instead, he stood holding Dolly’s halter with one hand and patting her with the other. She could almost convince herself she’d imagined it.

  He cleared his throat, sent a flickering glance her way, and then concentrated on the mare again. “I guess I shouldn’t have sprung it on you that way. But I’ve been thinking it over. I mean, we’re so well suited to each other. We’ve known each other since we were children…know everything there is to know, I guess.” He stopped to take a breath after getting that much out. “You’ll think this is sudden, but I know some of what folks say is true—I do need a wife. There’s Becky, and I shouldn’t keep her from having a normal life because of what I feel.”

  Lydia’s sense that this was all wrong increased. She managed to make her lips form the words. “What do you feel?”

  Again that quick, sidelong glance that flickered away almost before it landed. “Guess you know as well as anyone what my feelings were about Rebecca. I can’t love anyone else the way I loved her. But Daad pointed out to me that folks get married for a lot of reasons other than falling in love. There’s friendship, and family, and…well, just having somebody.”

  Anybody. Her numbed mind formed the word. Anybody would do…well, any mature Amish woman with a gift for making a home and the heart to love another woman’s child.

  He’d seen her so often with Becky. He must have realized how close they were getting, and from that it was a simple step to finding a way to make it permanent. That is, as long as he could keep love out of the equation.

  Her heart had been growing heavier and heavier, and now it felt as if it would sink to her toes. Simon had said they knew each other. Maybe that was true for her, but he didn’t know her all that well, not when he didn’t understand what he meant to her.

  And he must never know. If he even guessed, it would be the ultimate humiliation. She felt as if he’d put a beautiful, fragile gift in her outstretched hands and then dashed it to the floor, breaking it into a thousand pieces.

  Somehow, she had to prevent him from knowing the truth. Summoning all her strength, she forced her voice to stay calm.

  “No.” After she got that out, the rest was easier, and like him, she found it better to stare at Dolly. “Denke, Simon, but I can’t.”

  He didn’t visibly react, although she thought he grew a little more rigid. His hand fell from the halter, and he took a step back, giving a short nod.

  “Denke. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”

  She ought to say something in reply, but she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t even watch as he walked away.

  Forcing herself to hold back the sobs that threatened to rip her apart, she harnessed the mare with shaking fingers. She had to get somewhere to break down in decent privacy. Not the house, that was certain sure. But the daadi haus—Grossmammi wouldn’t badger her with questions and comments and sympathy that didn’t help. Grossmammi would allow her to be alone to let out all her grief and pain. That was all anyone could do for her right now.

  * * *

  Well, that was that. Simon muttered an excuse to Sarah and shut himself in his workroom. The old clock was still waiting on his table, and involving himself in its workings would be guaranteed to keep his mind occupied.

  But for once, that didn’t help. What was wrong with him? He’d tried, and he’d lost. He wasn’t even especially surprised. After all, what did he have to offer a woman like Lyddy? She was still hardly more than a girl, probably still hoping for a prince to carry her off to her happily-ever-after.

  All he had to offer was a life of cooking and cleaning and looking after children. She’d probably rather continue the job she already had and hold on to her life of freedom. And what right did he have to deprive her of the chance at that wonderful head-over-heels, walking-on-air feeling of first love. He’d already had it, but she hadn’t.

  Annoyed with himself, he picked up the tiny screwdriver he used to loosen the parts inside the clock. But his fingers seemed to have lost their cunning, and all he succeeded in doing was breaking off the first screw. He slammed the screwdriver down on the table, and the end of it snapped off.

  He shoved his chair back and surged to his feet. He’d best find something else to do before he ruined the clock and his tools. Striding to the door, Simon hesitated before turning the knob.

  Lyddy would be gone by now. He could go and help Sarah with the cleanup and not worry about seeing Lyddy. Maybe by tomorrow she’d have forgotten the whole stupid thing, and they’d be able to go on as they had been. But he doubted it.

  Still, the next day it seemed he was right. Lyddy appeared to be as calm and pleasant as if the previous day hadn’t happened. He should be glad. He was glad, he assured himself.

  The only problem was that Lyddy seemed to be…well, evading him, he guessed. When he came into the kitchen, she found a reason to hurry out front. If he walked behind the counter, she picked up her pad and dashed off to check on her tables.

  The third time it happened, Simon realized it wasn’t his imagination. That must mean that despite her cheerful expression, his untimely proposal had made things awkward between them. He’d apologize again, but he didn’t have a chance. Lyddy was very skilled at making sure they were never alone together.

  By late morning it had become so evident that he decided he’d be better off going down to the flood zone, even though he wasn’t scheduled to work until two in the afternoon. He caught Sarah on her way through the kitchen.

  “I’m going to head down to work now unless you need me for anything. You’ll look after Becky, ain’t so?”

  “For sure, but what about the shed? You said you’d clean it out for us today.”

  “I’ll do it tomorrow,” he said shortly, eager to go now that he’d made his decision. If Lyddy didn’t want to be alone with him, he’d remove himself.

  Sarah frowned. “Don’t you remember? We have a big shipment o
f paper products due this afternoon, now that the trucks can get through. You’ll have to make space for them.”

  “Stop nagging,” he snapped. “I’ll get to it before tomorrow.”

  “What’s wrong? Why are you so short-tempered today?”

  “I’m not.” He practically snarled the words, halfway out the door.

  “Then I’d hate to see you when you are.”

  Simon frowned at her. His little sister had grown disagreeably outspoken, it seemed to him.

  “Later,” he said, keeping his voice calm with an effort. He was out the door before she could say another thing.

  The trouble was, sassy or not, Sarah was right. So he trudged into the shed and made quick work of clearing up so the delivery guy could get at the shelves. The jugs that had been used for carrying water in would have to be returned to their owners, but that, at least, could wait.

  He was welcomed with open arms at the flood zone, since one of the other volunteers had had to switch his time to afternoon. Relieved, Simon set to work. Shoveling mud out of someone’s basement seemed a lot better than trying to stay out of Lyddy’s way, and by the time he’d put in a few hours of hard labor, he’d worked off most of his ill humor.

  Sarah had been right, of course. He’d been taking his feelings out on anyone who was handy, and that wasn’t fair. And now he owed her an apology, as well. He’d certain sure done a fine job of making things worse.

  It didn’t make any sense to be so put out about Lyddy’s answer. So she had turned him down. He’d known that was a possibility. It wasn’t as if his heart was involved, so why was he so distressed?

  By the time Simon returned to the shop, he was determined to be pleasant to everyone if it killed him. His resolution was tested immediately by his sister’s approach.

  “There you are at last,” Sarah said, looking at him as if he’d missed something crucial. “Aunt Bess called twice while you were gone, asking for you.”

  “Is something wrong?” But if her illness were worse, someone else would surely have called.

  Sarah shrugged. “She didn’t say. She just said to tell you to get out there this afternoon. She has to see you.”

  He opened his mouth to object, but a glance at Sarah told him she wasn’t going to be sympathetic. “All right.” He glanced down at his clothes, splattered with mud and worse. “I’ll clean up and go. All right?”

  Sarah shrugged again. “Fine with me,” she said, and hustled off with a tray of cups.

  Stopping only to greet his daughter and admire the picture she was making, he tramped upstairs to shower and change, just managing to catch a glimpse of Lyddy at a table in the very front of the shop.

  By the time he came back down, it was closing time, and Sarah was locking the front door. “Lyddy just left,” she said, even though he hadn’t asked.

  Mindful of how testy he’d been earlier, he managed to smile. “Can I help you clean up?”

  Becky answered. “I’m helping,” she pointed out.

  Sarah smiled. “That’s right. Becky and I can do it. You get along before Aunt Bess calls again.”

  With a quick wave, he headed out to the stable, revolving in his mind the possible things that might have upset his aunt. He reached the double doors and realized that Lyddy hadn’t left yet. She was still harnessing Dolly.

  He stopped, unsure what to say. “Sorry. I mean, I’m heading out your way, too. Aunt Bess wants to see me.” Lifting the harness from its peg, he approached the gelding.

  “Yah, I heard,” she said, not looking at him. “I’ll be out of your way in two shakes.”

  “No need to hurry. In fact, if you’ll wait a minute, I’ll follow you home, just in case.” In case of what, he didn’t know.

  “You can’t,” she said quickly. “I mean, I’m not going your way. I’m heading out to see my cousin Beth.”

  Simon took a deep breath, trying to find the words that would make things normal again. “Lyddy—”

  But she’d already swung up to the buggy seat. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She snapped the lines and rushed off as if she were being chased. Obviously she didn’t want to talk to him—now or later.

  * * *

  Lydia hadn’t intended to go to Beth’s until she said the words, and then she realized that seeing Beth was exactly what she needed right now. She and Beth had gone through so much together, from childhood mischief to teenage crushes to the death of Beth’s husband and the discovery of his betrayal. She had been with Beth through that trying time, and she knew instinctively that Beth would want to walk through this desolate valley with her.

  When she tugged the line to turn away from home, Dolly shook her head, making the harness jingle. In Dolly’s opinion, it was time they went home.

  “Not today,” she said firmly. “We have another call to make first.” Confiding in the mare might be foolish, but there were times when she needed to speak without being careful of what she said—the way she had to be with Simon.

  Lydia’s throat grew tight at the thought of his name, but she shook it off much as Dolly had tried to shake off her directions. She didn’t want to have herself so upset that she burst into tears at the sight of her cousin. So she forced herself to concentrate on mundane things like how many doughnuts they’d need the next day.

  It wasn’t far to Beth’s place. Lydia turned in the lane next to the country store that Beth and Daniel owned, hoping Beth was at the house rather than busy in the store.

  A moment’s thought reassured her. At this hour, Beth was likely to be in the kitchen getting supper started. Sure enough, when she pulled up at the house, Beth came hurrying out with a welcoming smile. But the smile faded as soon as she got a look at Lydia’s face. She put her arm around Lydia’s waist and led her into the house.

  “It’s all right. We’re all alone, and you can tell me. Was ist letz? What’s wrong? Is it Simon?”

  The tears started to flow as soon as she saw Beth’s caring face, and she wiped them away impatiently. She’d cried enough.

  “Yah, it was Simon.” She sank into a chair, feeling the need of something to hold her up. “He asked me to marry him.”

  Beth took the chair next to her and took Lydia’s hand in hers. “That’s usually a happy thing. Are you going to tell me you don’t love him?”

  She shook her head. “That’s the problem. I do love him. But Simon was very honest. He’s not looking for love. He’s looking for a good Amish woman who’ll be his helpmate and a mother to Becky.” She stopped, pressing her fingers to her temples. Holding back tears guaranteed a headache, it seemed.

  “He never said that to you.” The indignation in her cousin’s voice warmed Lydia’s heart. “He wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, yes, he would. He did.”

  “You should have hit him with something.”

  Clearly, gentle, sweet Beth was angry enough for both of them. Too bad Lydia didn’t feel anger. It would probably be easier than the desolation in her heart.

  “I couldn’t,” she murmured. “It hurt too much.”

  “My dear.” Beth put her arms around Lydia, patting her back as she might a small child who’d skinned his knee and required comforting. “I’m so sorry. The first time you fall in love, and it has to be with someone who’s so wrapped up in the past that he can’t see what’s right in front of him. You’d be perfect for him.”

  Beth’s anger for her pain and her comforting touch were doing their work. Lydia began to feel that she’d live through this.

  “That’s exactly what he thinks. That I’d be the perfect stepmother and the perfect housekeeper. Nothing more.”

  “Ach, that’s so foolish. Does he think you’ll sit around waiting until he comes to his senses?”

  Lyddy leaned back in the chair, feeling spent. “I don’t think he ever will. He’s still in love with Rebecca.” Another tear escaped, an
d she dashed it away. “Anyway, I can’t stay where I’m going to see him every day. I’ll have to get another job.” She hadn’t really thought that out, but she knew it was true. She didn’t want to go through any more days like this one.

  Beth squeezed her hands tightly. “But I thought this was just temporary. Simon having his workshop at the store, I mean. I’d hate to see you give up a job you love.”

  What Beth said was true. This was never intended to be long-term on Simon’s part. But then again, his aunt might decide to give up the store, and she’d have to find another job anyway.

  “I don’t know,” she said, uncertain of the way forward. “I guess I can’t walk away while Elizabeth is sick, can I?”

  “That’s certain sure.” Beth’s hands gentled, patting hers. “Why don’t you try to hang in there a little longer, anyway? Just until you see what everyone’s plans are. After all, you can make a point of avoiding him, can’t you?”

  “I guess so.” With Simon off several hours each day volunteering, it shouldn’t be that difficult. And she could be training Sarah to take her place in the event she did decide to move on.

  “I wouldn’t think it that difficult. After all, he must be feeling embarrassed and awkward around you anyway. Ain’t so?”

  She nodded. Beth was right, and just talking it over with her had made Lydia feel better. Stronger, and more able to cope with whatever came. She couldn’t possibly walk out on Elizabeth when she was ill.

  “You’re right,” she said, coming to a decision. “I’ll have to do it. I don’t have any other choice.”

  “Maybe…well, maybe Simon will realize what he’s missing. It could happen, couldn’t it?”

  She hated to dash Beth’s dreams of happily-ever-after for her, but she knew they were futile. “Perhaps,” she said. “But as far as I can see, Simon is still in love with Rebecca. And I don’t think that will ever change.”

  It was a hard thing to accept, but she had to do it and move on. If she didn’t she’d be like Simon, stuck in the past in an endless loop of grief and guilt. And that wasn’t how she wanted to live. No, she would heal from this. But it was going to take a long, long time.