Naomi’s Christmas Page 27

Grossmammi seemed very close at the moment, the thought soothing and comforting, like the feel of her gentle hand stroking the back of a crying child. The way Naomi had stroked and comforted Sadie when she was sick.

  No going back, she told herself. She had come here to tell the bees she was leaving, not to think of all the reasons why she longed to stay.

  “I’m going away for a bit,” she said to the hives, hearing the weight of the words. “I do not wish to, but I must get away for a little bit of time, at least. It is too hard to stay here.”

  “Because of my stupidity.”

  She swung around, stumbling back a step. Nathan stood there, his face grim beneath the brim of his black hat. “Naomi, I—”

  “Don’t, please.” She put up her hand, as if she could physically hold back his words. “I didn’t see you, or I wouldn’t have come.”

  “I was in the barn when I saw you. I thought you’d go back to the house if you saw me, but I have to talk with you.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it now.” She took another step away. She could hardly run off across the field, but she wanted to.

  Nathan seemed to swallow whatever he’d started to say. “I understand. But I could not let you go away without telling you about Jessie.”

  “Jessie?” She blinked, trying to follow him. “What about Jessie?”

  “She came here early yesterday morning.” Nathan spoke with deliberation, as if choosing his words. “She was talking wildly, demanding that I let her take care of the children.”

  Alarms seemed to go off in her heart. “The kinder weren’t here to see it, were they?”

  “No. Thank the gut Lord they were still with my sister. Daad was with me. We could both see that you had been right all along about Jessie. Something had to be done.” He blew out a breath, and she could see it misting on the cold air. “So I went to Bishop Mose.”

  Pain carved lines around Nathan’s eyes, and Naomi’s heart went out to him. “I am sorry. But you did the right thing.”

  “Ja, so the bishop said.” Nathan rubbed the back of his neck in the way he did when tension ran high. “It turns out Bishop Mose was already worried about Jessie. He had found out from a neighbor that ever since Emma went away, Jessie had been going out at night.”

  Naomi’s thoughts leaped ahead to the obvious conclusion. “You think she was spying on us.”

  “I know she was,” he corrected. “She admitted it when we confronted her.”

  “You and the bishop?” She cringed at the thought of what it must have been like.

  “And Seth. I wasn’t so sure about him, but Bishop Mose said that Seth had to be told. So the three of us went to the house late yesterday. It was…” He stopped, passing his palm over his eyes as if to wipe out the images.

  “I’m sorry.” Her heart hurt for him as well as for Jessie. “It must have been so hard to do such a thing.”

  “Ja, but it was needed. Seeing Jessie get so hysterical, even striking me—well, there was no doubt about what had to be done. They took her to the emergency room, and she’s been admitted to the hospital.” He sighed, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck again.

  “That is terrible news. Poor Emma.”

  “Seth says they will keep her there for a few days. Then she will go somewhere else for treatment.” Nathan focused on Naomi’s face. “So, if you’re going away because of the talk, you don’t need to. Everyone in the township will soon know the truth of it.”

  She let out a sigh. Here they were, right back to the subject she didn’t want to talk about. But maybe it was better to be telling Nathan instead of the bees.

  “That is not the only reason for my decision.”

  “I know. Like I said, I was stupid and angry, and that is not a gut combination. I hurt you by asking you to marry me in such a way.”

  Her throat was too tight to speak, but it wasn’t necessary, was it? He already knew what he had done.

  “I don’t blame you for saying no to me, Naomi. But won’t you at least think about marriage?”

  “Marrying you?” she asked faintly.

  “Marrying me.” He took a step closer, his face suddenly eager. “Naomi, the kinder miss you already. You and I…we work well together. Why shouldn’t we be married? We could have a gut life. A comfortable marriage.”

  Comfortable. The word stuck in her heart like a barb. This proposal might be even more hurtful than the first one. Somehow, she had to find the courage to tell Nathan the truth.

  “I can’t,” she said carefully, knowing that wouldn’t be enough for him. “I can’t because there is no room in your heart for me, Nathan. You know that and so do I.”

  “I care about you. I do.”

  “Ja.” She closed her eyes for a second and then focused on his face. “Once, that kind of caring would have been enough for me. But I have learned something in the past month. I have learned to value myself too much to settle for a marriage without love.”

  She couldn’t say anything more, because if she tried, she would break down. She turned and walked away, and she knew without looking that he wouldn’t follow her.

  Nathan watched Naomi, a solitary figure, dark against the snow as she trudged toward the grossdaadi house. What had he done wrong now?

  He’d apologized for his thoughtless behavior. He’d asked her to be his wife and tried to be honest about his feelings.

  Hadn’t he come up with an answer that would solve all their problems?

  Turning away from the hives, he marched toward the outbuildings as if he could outrun the sense that he had failed at something very important.

  He had reached the barn before he let himself glance toward the grossdaadi house. A buggy was coming up the lane—Sam Esch’s buggy, he could see from here. Come to pick Naomi up and take her to the bus, no doubt. She was going on a visit to her sister and no one, maybe not even Naomi, knew when she would return to Pleasant Valley.

  Naomi must decide what was best for her. Nathan reminded himself of that fact several times while he completed the chores that had brought him out of the house in time to see Naomi talking to the bees. There was nothing else he could do.

  By the time he returned to the house, he’d almost managed to convince himself that was the truth. But no sooner had he hung up his jacket than Joshua and Sadie ran to him—Sadie already crying and Joshua with tears sparkling in his eyes.

  “Daadi, Naomi is gone,” Sadie wailed and clutched his leg. “She’s gone away.”

  Nathan patted her back. “Hush, little girl. It will be all right.” But would it? He looked toward Daad and Sarah.

  Sarah shrugged, looking both guilty and defiant. “They had to know, Nathan. There’s no point in looking at me that way.”

  “It’s not true, is it, Daadi?” Joshua stared at him, willing him to deny it. “We have to give Naomi her Christmas presents. You’ll make it right and Naomi will komm home.”

  His son’s innocent belief in him struck Nathan in the heart. He reached out to grip Joshua’s shoulder. “Sometimes there are things we must accept. Naomi is going away. It is her choice.”

  He intercepted a skeptical glance from his sister that annoyed him. Did every woman in Pleasant Valley think he was the one to blame?

  “She doesn’t want to go away.” Sadie lifted a tear-stained face to him. “She wants to be here with us. She loves us.”

  “Sadie…” He was left without words. Naomi did love the kinder.

  More, she loved him. Hadn’t that been what she was saying to him? She’d said she couldn’t marry him when he didn’t love her.

  Didn’t he love her? His mind seemed to be spinning in circles, showing him image after image of the past month with Naomi: laughing in the snow, glancing up with a smile from working with the children, emerging damp and rosy-cheeked from under the steam tent with Sadie, holding him while he wept for Ada.

  The spinning stopped, settling on one sure thing. Naomi wasn’t just necessary for his children’s happiness. She was necessary f
or his own happiness. All the joy of the past month had come because of the changes that Naomi made in his heart.

  “I am certain-sure that Naomi loves you,” he said carefully. “Just as you love her. Just as I love her.”

  “Then she’ll stay with us,” Joshua said, his tone positive.

  “I don’t know. That is up to Naomi.” Nathan tightened the grip on his son’s shoulder. “But we will not let her go without telling her how much we love her. And we will not let her go without giving her our gifts.”

  The dawning hope of his son’s face seemed to echo the hope blossoming in his own heart.

  “Sadie, you run and get our gifts for Naomi. Joshua, you and I will harness the buggy. We must hurry if we are to reach Naomi before she gets on the bus.”

  “Komm, komm, Sadie,” Sarah exclaimed. “I will help you get the gifts and put your coat on.”

  Joshua was already shrugging into his jacket. “I will help Daadi with the harness,” he said to his grossdaadi.

  “Ja, I know you will.” Daad smiled at Joshua and then extended the smile to Nathan. “The gut Lord go with you.”

  He might need some heavenly intervention, Nathan thought as he and Joshua ran to the barn. If they didn’t reach town in time…If they did but he couldn’t find the right words…If Naomi was determined to leave…

  Please, his heart murmured. Please. Give me a chance to make this right.

  Joshua arrived at the stall before him, reaching up to clip a lead line to the halter of the buggy horse. “I’ll lead her out,” he said. “I can back her between the shafts. Grossdaadi showed me how.”

  Nathan nodded, lifting down the harness. His son was growing up before his eyes, and he had to allow that to happen. Naomi had shown him that truth.

  In moments, working together, they had harnessed the mare and were driving up to the house. Sarah hurried out, clutching a shawl around her, with Sadie and a shopping bag full of gifts. She boosted Sadie up to the buggy and handed him the bag.

  “Do it right,” she said.

  “I will try.” He clucked to the mare, and they were off.

  “Hurry, Daadi, hurry,” Sadie exclaimed.

  “Ja, hurry.” Joshua leaned forward in his seat. “We can’t miss her.”

  No, they couldn’t miss her. Maybe it was superstitious, thinking he had to stop Naomi before she left. After all, he could go after her. If need be, he’d court her for the next six months if that was what it took to persuade her.

  But somehow the children’s urgency was his, as well. He couldn’t let another moment go by without telling Naomi how he felt about her.

  It was probably the fastest he’d ever covered the distance between the farm and town. When they turned onto Main Street, he saw a group of Amish standing at the bus stop. Naomi’s family, come to tell her good-bye. The bus must be late, as usual.

  Not good-bye, he prayed. Please, not good-bye.

  “Naomi, look.” Lovina, one arm around Naomi’s waist, turned her toward the street.

  A buggy was coming toward them, moving faster than most folks would ever drive a buggy in town. It swerved to the curb and halted at the bus stop, as if to block the bus when it arrived. Naomi’s heart cramped. It was Nathan and the children.

  A murmur passed through the small group that had come to see her off. Nathan slid down from the buggy seat, but the children beat him to the sidewalk. They came running toward her, and she thought her heart would surely break.

  “Naomi!” The family around her parted to let Sadie rush to her, with Joshua close behind. “Don’t go.” Sadie clutched her coat. “Don’t go away. We love you.”

  “Ach, I love you, too.” Naomi loosed the clinging hands, holding them in hers. “Such cold little hands. Where are your mittens?”

  “Mittens don’t matter,” Joshua declared. “We had to stop you. You can’t go away. We love you.”

  “Denke, Joshua.” She could sense Nathan’s tall figure behind the children, but she would not look at him. “It means so much to know that you and Sadie love me.” And it made it so hard to do what she must. “But—”

  “We love you,” Nathan said, his voice deep. “Not just the kinder.” He held out a shopping bag. “We don’t want you to leave. But if you must go, at least open our gifts before you do so.”

  Naomi took the bag, determined not to meet his eyes. We love you, he had said. But he didn’t mean…he didn’t mean he loved her the way he had loved Ada.

  Lovina came to her rescue, taking a package out of the shopping bag and holding the bag for her. “Go on,” she said. “Open it.”

  “That is from me and Joshua,” Sadie said. “We picked it out all by our own selves.”

  Trying to smile, Naomi pulled the wrapping free. “Ach, a beautiful napkin holder from you. Denke. I love it.” She bent, hugging the two children together, trying to hide the tears that stung her eyes.

  “Now mine, Naomi.” Nathan held out a small package.

  She still couldn’t look into his face, but she couldn’t help seeing his strong, gentle hand as he gave her the gift, and her breath caught.

  “Denke,” she murmured. She pulled, and the wrapping came away, exposing a package of labels—beautiful labels for her honey jars.

  “I had them made for the honey that you will be harvesting next year,” he said. “It is my prayer that you will be there with us then and for every year. We love you, Naomi.”

  He looked around, taking in all the watching, interested faces. Grasping her hands, he drew her away from the others, into the small recess in front of the nearest shop.

  As if a message had been received, her family started talking, their words forced with the effort to be tactful.

  Nathan turned his back to them, shielding her with his body so that no one else could see her face. “I love you, Naomi.” His voice had roughened. “This is not about the kinder. It is about us. I love you.”

  She looked up, startled and half-afraid to see his face, her breath catching in her throat.

  “I love you, Naomi Esch.” Nathan’s eyes were so intent that it seemed she could see into his very soul. “It wonders me that it took me so long to know the truth. I love you. I want you to be my wife. I’ll spend as much time as you want proving that to you.” He jerked his head toward the family, standing behind them on the sidewalk and trying to pretend they weren’t listening. “I think everyone here knew it before I did. Please, don’t say no to me again.”

  Even without looking, she knew that every person watching them was wearing a smile. This proposal would go down in the history of the Pleasant Valley Amish, that was certain-sure.

  She seemed to hear Bishop Mose’s wise counsel in her ears, but she didn’t really need it. She knew her own heart.

  “I love you, Nathan. I will marry you.”

  The exhalation of breath around her almost made her laugh. And then Nathan put his arms around her and pressed his cold cheek against hers. Suddenly Sadie was crunched between them, and Joshua was trying to hug them both at the same time. Caught between laughter and tears, Naomi tried to put her arms around all three of them while Isaiah pounded Nathan’s back and Daad actually laughed out loud.

  The rightness of it settled in her heart. She might not be Nathan’s first love, but she would be his last.

  EPILOGUE

  Naomi looked around the crowded table at Daad’s house at the faces of those she loved. Second Christmas, the day after Christmas, was the time to celebrate and feast with family. Today her family had grown to include Nathan, the children, and his family.

  Yesterday had been a quiet day, spent with just Nathan and the children in the house that would soon be hers, as well. They had gone for supper with Nathan’s daad, his sister, and her family. Today everyone was celebrating together—celebrating Christmas as well as the joining of their two families.

  Sadie, always irrepressible, went around the table to lean against Daad’s chair. When he stopped what he was saying to look at her, she gave him an
engaging smile.

  “Are you going to be my grossdaadi, too?” she asked.

  Naomi realized it was one of the few times when Daad was taken by surprise. He glanced toward Nathan’s daad and then smiled at her. “Naomi will be your new mammi, ja? So that makes me your new grossdaadi. You can’t have too many grossdaadis, ain’t so?”

  Sadie nodded. Tugging on his sleeve so that Daad leaned over, she kissed him on the cheek.

  Everyone was smiling, quiet for a moment. Joshua looked around the table. “Our family got a lot bigger, didn’t it, Daadi?”

  “Ja, it did, Joshua. That is a gut thing.”

  Nathan reached under the cover of the table to clasp Naomi’s hand. His grip was warm and sure and familiar, and her heart seemed to expand until it pressed against her skin. She had never known it was possible to feel so much happiness.

  Naomi glanced at Betty and smiled, thinking of all that had happened in the month and a half since her birthday supper. Pain and pleasure, all mixed together—that was what life was like. You mourned the passing of the old and embraced the new.

  The future would surely hold many more endings and beginnings, but together she and Nathan would cope with them. For now, looking at the joyful faces in the lamplight, she could only cherish the love and family that Christmas had brought.

  AMISH CHRISTMAS CUSTOMS

  Christmas is probably the most important celebration in the Amish year. In fact, it’s so important that it is actually observed by some Amish three times: Christmas Day, Second Christmas, and Old Christmas.

  Christmas Day falls on December 25 for the Amish as it does for other Christians, a day when the miracle of Christ’s birth is recognized with joy and awe. For such an important event, one day isn’t enough, so while time spent with the immediate family is the norm for Christmas Day, the day after Christmas, also called Second Christmas, is a day to celebrate with the extended family. Visiting and sharing a meal can be an extraordinary event when your extended family is as large as that of most Amish. There might be more than fifty people there!

  In many Amish groups, Old Christmas is still observed. Falling twelve days after December 25, January 6 is the celebration of Epiphany, the arrival of the wise men to visit Jesus, and in the Middle Ages this was the culmination of the Christmas feast. When the Gregorian calendar replaced the older Julian calendar, the Pope set December 25 as the official Christmas Day, but many Protestants kept to the old calendar, celebrating on January 6. The tradition has hung on among some Amish who celebrate on both days, with Old Christmas usually being a more solemn and religious day.