At Home in Pleasant Valley Read online

  “But if no one knows but you—”

  “Daniel Glick saw him at the school,” she said quickly, before Rachel could imagine this secret would keep. “He hasn’t said anything, but anyone could see John, could start talking about his coming back. You know how fast that news would spread.”

  “You’re right. I can’t be a coward about it. I’ll talk to them tonight.” She shook her head, worry darkening her eyes. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to hurt them.”

  Leah squeezed her in a quick hug. “They haven’t forgotten about him. Maybe they’ll be relieved to know what he’s doing. Anyway, it must be done.”

  “Oh, I know that. It’s just so hard. I want to protect them from hurt. You’d feel the same, wouldn’t you?”

  Leah glanced at her mother. Mamm sat in a lawn chair, watching the children play. She was smiling, but her face seemed thin and tired.

  “Ja, of course I would. I do. It’s strange. All these years we’ve relied on our parents, and now we need to care for them. It seems we’re changing places, doesn’t it?”

  Rachel nodded in quick understanding. “How is your mamm?”

  “She says she’s doing fine, but fighting the cancer has taken a lot out of her. She and my father have decided to move to the grossdaadi haus.”

  Rachel’s face expressed all that she might be reluctant to say. “So your brother and his family will be moving into the house. What about you and Anna?”

  “That’s what Anna wants to know.” It was a relief to pour it out to someone who would understand and keep it to herself. “Levi and Barbara say that nothing will change, that we should keep our own rooms, but she’s expecting again, and—”

  “And it’s only a matter of time until she wants those rooms for her family.” Rachel shook her head. “Even if she didn’t, you know how hard it will be to live in another woman’s house.” Now it was Rachel’s turn to give a comforting hug. “What will you do?”

  “Nothing for a bit. I haven’t had time to think it through. I knew it would come sometime, but I didn’t think it would be so soon.”

  Rachel nodded, eyes clouding. “I know. It’s odd, isn’t it? One day life seems settled and routine, and the next it’s turned upside down, as if a storm came and tipped us all on our heads.”

  “Ja.” That was surely how she’d felt lately. She took a breath. “Well, we can get through it. Somehow.”

  Rachel shot her a sidelong glance. “I saw you talking to Daniel. It looked as if you were finding a lot to say to each other.”

  “Don’t matchmake,” Leah warned. Was everyone in the community trying to team her up with Daniel?

  “Well, don’t you dismiss the idea too quickly.” Her expression was serious. “I know it’s early to be thinking this, but wouldn’t it be better to be living in your own house with a family to love, rather than feel like a boarder in your sister-in-law’s house?”

  “I don’t plan to marry.” And even if she did, it wouldn’t be to Daniel Glick. She valued her independence too much for that. “Never mind about Daniel. What shall I tell John?”

  “Say I love him. Say he must give me more time. That’s all I can tell him now.”

  John wouldn’t like that, any more than she’d like telling him, but there was nothing she could do about it.

  • • •

  Daniel found his gaze straying to Leah Beiler, even while he talked with her father about the best place to buy a buggy horse. Teacher Leah was an interesting mixture of gentleness and spirit. He just hoped that spirit wasn’t leading her toward trouble.

  Did her father know about the return of his daughter’s onetime sweetheart? The older man’s face was placid as he puffed on his pipe, but he suspected Elias Beiler wasn’t one to show his feelings easily.

  “Your young ones settling down in school all right?” Elias nodded toward Matthew, who was helping Elizabeth knock a croquet ball through a wicket.

  “They seem to be doing fine. Teacher Leah has made them feel right at home already.”

  A faint smile creased Elias’s weathered face. “Our Leah is a gut teacher, she is. Not that I wouldn’t rather see her married and with young ones of her own, but we must take what the Lord sends.”

  Daniel nodded. At the moment, Leah was in close conversation with Rachel, probably about the return of John Kile. Sooner, rather than later, it would be public knowledge, but despite his concerns, he was just as glad the spreading of it hadn’t come from him.

  “Will you be missing lots of kin back there in Lancaster County, Daniel?”

  Elias only meant to express kindly interest, but even so, Daniel felt himself stiffen. Talking about his life there would lead inevitably to the reasons he’d left, and he wasn’t ready to discuss that with strangers. Not yet, anyway.

  “My parents hope to come for a visit later in the summer, once we’re settled in. Maybe help with the harvest.”

  “Good to have extra hands around when the crops start to come in, especially for a man without a wife to help him.”

  Was that meant to be a question about his wife, or was it a hint as to whether he might be looking for a new helpmate now that he was settling in Pleasant Valley? That was how an Amish father’s thoughts would go, for sure. Daniel managed a meaningless smile.

  “It’ll be wonderful gut to have them come for a visit. Now I’d best get Jonah. He’s probably getting tired.”

  His younger son, who had just run across the lawn to throw himself at Teacher Leah, didn’t look in the least tired, but it was a way to end a conversation that was cutting too near the bone.

  He couldn’t fool himself any more than he could anyone else. Most folks here had kin back in Lancaster County, and sooner or later someone would receive a letter with all the details about what had happened to his wife. To his children.

  Time. That was what he wanted now, time for the children to settle down and feel at home. Then it would hurt less to have everyone know about them.

  Leah smiled, bending over Jonah to say something that made him giggle, and a flicker of concern went through Daniel. Leah said she wasn’t yearning for her fence-jumper fiancé, but maybe she was. He didn’t want his children getting too close to a woman who could be tempted by the life outside their community.

  He went quickly to them, then grabbed Jonah and tossed him in the air.

  “Are you a bird then, Jonah Glick?”

  “I think he’s a barn swallow,” Leah said, laughter filling her green eyes. Hair the color of corn silk was drawn back to the bun under her kapp, but a few tendrils had worked their way loose. They curled against the creamy skin of her cheeks.

  And what was he doing noticing that about Teacher Leah? Despite his new community’s obvious wish to marry him off, he was not looking for a bride. After what had happened with Ruth, he wasn’t sure he’d ever take that chance again.

  And if he did, it wouldn’t be with a woman who seemed to be flirting with the English world in the shape of her former sweetheart.

  He made Jonah swoop up and down in imitation of a barn swallow, and then set him down and gave him a tap on the bottom. “Go and tell your brother and sister it’s almost time to go home,” he said.

  “So soon?” Leah looked honestly regretful. “Be sure you don’t leave without taking the basket of leftovers that Mamm has for you. It will save you having to cook tomorrow.”

  “That’s kind of her. I’m grateful for your hospitality.” He looked into her face, detecting a hint of strain there. “I’m sorry if Jonah interrupted your conversation with your friend.”

  “It’s all right. We had finished what we had to say.” She gave him a straightforward, serious look. “I’m sure you can guess what we were talking about.”

  He nodded. “How does Kile’s family feel about his coming back?”

  “They don’t know yet, other than Rache
l.” Her smooth brow furrowed. “She must tell her parents before they hear from someone else.”

  “That would be wise.”

  “Many Amish have children and grandchildren who have chosen not to join the church.” She seemed to look inward, as if arguing with herself. “They still find ways to have some relationship with them.”

  She couldn’t know why the very mention of that thought made him stiffen. And he wasn’t going to tell her.

  “We live separate from the world. Accommodating it can only lead to trouble.”

  His words came out harshly, but perhaps that was just as well. Teacher Leah may as well know now where he stood on that issue, because where his children were concerned, he would not take any risks at all.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  It was perfectly normal for her to stop and see Rachel after school, Leah assured herself on Friday. So normal, in fact, that Betty turned her head toward the lane to the Brand farm even before Leah’s hand tightened on the harness lines.

  Her errand, however, wasn’t so normal.

  Surely Rachel would have talked to her parents about Johnny by now. Leah’s stomach roiled at the memory of her conversation with John on Wednesday when he’d learned she had no answer for him. He’d hated being put off. And she hated being put in the middle of this tangle.

  She slowed Betty to a walk as they approached the house. On either side of the lane, the Brand dairy herd munched contentedly on April-green grass, and she spotted Becky and her younger brother, five-year-old Joseph, heading for the barn.

  Gut, she’d timed this visit right, then. She’d hoped to get here while Rachel’s husband, Ezra, was still busy, and while the kinder were at their chores. That way she and Rachel could have a private talk.

  She stopped at the back door and slid down, a prayer for guidance forming in her heart. She didn’t know what to pray for in this situation, but certainly the Lord knew what was right for Rachel, for her parents, and even for Johnny.

  She was fastening Betty to the hitching rail when Rachel appeared at the door, holding it open in welcome as always.

  “Leah, wilkom. I hoped to see you.” Her smile was warm, but those lines of strain around her eyes were not normal for easygoing Rachel.

  Leah’s heart sank. This situation was hurting her friend, she knew, and there was probably worse to come. No matter what Rachel’s parents had decided, the way wouldn’t be smooth.

  “Komm, sit.” Rachel led the way through the mudroom to the kitchen, warm and smelling of supper cooking already. “I have apple kuchen and coffee ready. You’ll have some.”

  “Only if you join me.” Leah sat at the well-scrubbed table, taking off her bonnet and cape, and smoothing her hair back under her kapp.

  “Ja.” Rachel glanced at the pot on the gas stove. “The chicken is stewing already, so I can sit for a bit.”

  Their conversation was natural enough, as if this were just any visit. But the cups clattered as Rachel took them from the tall pine cupboard, and the movement of her hands was stiff and clumsy.

  Leah kept silent as Rachel grasped a pot holder and poured the coffee. She waited while Rachel put a slice of pastry, thick with apples, on a plate in front of her.

  Only when Rachel stopped her nervous fidgeting and sat down did she think it was time to speak.

  “I’m sorry. This is hard for you.”

  Rachel nodded, her hands clasping the thick white mug that held her coffee. “Not for me only. Ezra is upset, because Johnny was his dear friend. The children, because they sense that something is wrong even though we haven’t told them. And Mamm and Daadi—”

  She stopped, her voice choking with tears.

  “You’ve told them, then.” However little Rachel had wanted to break the news, she couldn’t risk having her parents hear of John’s return from someone else.

  Rachel seemed to struggle for composure. “Ja. Ezra watched the little ones so I could go over alone to talk with them.” She clenched her hands together, the knuckles white. “Leah, I have never seen them look like that. It was worse, I think, than when he went away the first time.”

  Probably, that first time, distressed as they’d been, they’d expected Johnny to come home eventually, like so many others did. But he hadn’t, and the years had slipped away, each one making it less likely he’d return.

  They wouldn’t have forgotten him. How could they? Her own heart ached with the thought.

  But maybe they’d been able to make peace with his leaving. Now, that peace was ripped beyond repair.

  “Will they— Do they want to see him?”

  “Of course they want to see him!” The words burst from Rachel’s lips on a sob, and she raised tear-drenched eyes to Leah’s. “But they won’t. They can’t.”

  Leah clasped Rachel’s hand in hers, tears filling her eyes, too. “I know.” Her throat was tight. “They feel they’re doing the right thing by refusing.”

  “The only thing,” Rachel said. “The meidung is the only thing that might make him return to the community, if that’s possible.”

  Leah nodded in sympathy. The outside world probably thought of shunning as a punishment, but it wasn’t that. It was the church’s last, desperate effort to bring the stubborn rebel to his senses, and she had no doubt it hurt the family and the community more than it hurt the one who left.

  She took a deep breath, knowing she had to press on with this while she could still say the words without breaking down. “If they were convinced that Johnny would never be Amish again, would they see him then?”

  “I don’t know.” Rachel wiped tears away with her fingers. “If he came back to us penitent, ready to confess his sin and be restored to the body, it would be as if his leaving had never been. But if he’s determined to live English . . .”

  Her voice died out, as if she didn’t have the strength to consider that possibility.

  “There are those in the church who have accepted that in their children,” Leah reminded her. “The Muellers and the Stoltzes both have sons who’ve left, but they’ve maintained ties with them and their families.”

  Everyone knew that accommodations could be made. Folks obeyed the letter of the meidung by not eating at the same table as the shunned person, not taking food from their hand, not riding in a car that person was driving. Otherwise, with goodwill on both sides, life could go on.

  “I know they do. It’s hard for them, but they’ve accepted that their children will never come back. I don’t know if Daadi can ever accept that.” She gave Leah a watery smile. “You know how he was about Johnny. His oldest son. His only son.”

  Unlike most Amish families, the Kiles only had two children. Something had gone wrong for Ella when the twins were born. Rachel and Johnny were all the more precious for that reason.

  Rachel turned her mug, making rings on the scrubbed pine tabletop. “Daadi wouldn’t admit to being proud of him, but they were so close, and Johnny so smart and hardworking. Daadi was glad to have a son to pass the farm to. After Johnny left, the heart just seemed to go out of him.”

  “He saw his life’s work being discarded.”

  Leah thought fleetingly of Daniel and Matthew. There was another father determined to have a farm to pass on to his son. But Matthew—surely Daniel didn’t fear that Matthew would leave the church.

  “Leah, do you think—” Rachel hesitated. She was looking down at the cooling coffee in the mug, and Leah couldn’t read her expression.

  “Think what?” She patted Rachel’s hand in encouragement.

  “Do you think there’s any chance Johnny could change his mind and come back to us? If there was, I would do anything to make it happen.”

  “I guess there’s always a chance.” She said the words slowly, not wanting to dash whatever hope Rachel might still cling to.

  Rachel clasped Leah’s hand in a tight grip. “You knew him
as well as anyone. You must still be able to tell what he’s thinking, no matter how much he’s changed.” Her voice compelled an answer. “Please, Leah. You must be honest with me.”

  She thought of the stranger Johnny had become, with his clean-shaven face, his modern clothes, his fancy car. But those were externals, easily changed.

  What of the man himself? Rachel was right. Once, she’d have said she knew Johnny’s heart as well as she knew her own.

  The passion in his voice when he’d talked of his work at the clinic, the way his eyes looked for a future she couldn’t imagine. Those were the things that told who John Kile was now.

  “I don’t think so.” Her throat tightened at the pain she must be causing. “I can’t be sure, but I don’t think so.”

  The muscles of Rachel’s neck worked. She slapped her hands down on the table and pushed herself back, her face twisting.

  “He should never have come back, then!” she cried, her voice harsh. “You know as well as I do, Leah. He should never have come back to Pleasant Valley at all.”

  • • •

  Daniel stood looking across a field full of people on Saturday afternoon. The spring Mud Sale to benefit the local fire company was in full swing. True to its name, the sale took place when the ground, still wet from winter’s snow followed by April showers, was rapidly turning into a sea of mud.

  That didn’t seem to deter any of the crowd. Amish and English alike, intent on finding a bargain, moved from used Amish buggies to lines strung with quilts to food stands offering everything from warm soft pretzels to cotton candy to funnel cakes.

  He could only hope his children weren’t talking Rachel Brand into buying them anything to eat. She had offered to have the younger ones walk around with her and her children, so that he could take a look at the tools that were spread out on several long trestle tables. And Matthew had gone off on his own with Jacob Esch and some other boys from his class.

  Their acceptance was a sign that Matthew was settling down here, and he was relieved at that. He’d been worried about the boy, but not sure whether his worries were justified or not. Matthew had changed, and there was no way of ever getting back those lost years.