The Amish Widow's Heart Read online

  He pouted a little but then went back to his blocks without a word. She would talk to Janie later today, she resolved. Benjy would be better for a break.

  “Okay?” Daniel raised his eyebrows as they walked to the back of the store.

  She nodded. “Daniel, I was wondering...does Anna think I’m taking over her job?”

  “No, not that I know of, but maybe I haven’t been noticing. Has she said something to make you think so?”

  “She hasn’t said anything at all...well, very little. I know she’s rather shy, and I haven’t wanted to push her. But I’m not that scary, am I?”

  He chuckled. “Not that I’ve ever noticed. Except for the time one of my brothers put your doll up in the apple tree. You were plenty scary over that, as I remember.”

  She couldn’t help smiling. “I was plenty mad. And I never knew for sure who it was. Are you trying to convince me it wasn’t you?”

  “I shouldn’t have said that—the boys all had a pact not to give each other away.” He pushed open the door to the storeroom.

  Still smiling, Beth walked in. Talking about those happy times was like taking a little rest from today’s worries and griefs.

  “Anyway, about Anna...” Daniel took a clipboard from a nail on the wall as he spoke. “I’d guess she’s not sure how to talk to someone who has so recently lost a spouse.” He gave her a sidelong glance, as if to be sure he wasn’t causing her pain by mentioning it.

  “Please.” She reached out impulsively to Daniel. “Please just talk normally about James. The worst thing is to have people trying to avoid saying his name.” No matter what she knew about him, James had been her husband and the father of her son. Grief was expected and normal.

  As for the thing that wasn’t normal—well, she had to find her own way of dealing with it.

  Seeming reassured, Daniel gestured to the clipboards on the wall. “This is the main thing I wanted to show you. Each company or person who delivers merchandise has a sheet of their own. It’s easier to keep track of that way. This one is for Larks Suppliers. They provide crackers, cookies, packaged chips...that kind of thing, and they usually come about twice a month. When you check them in—”

  “Me?”

  She glanced up in time to see a slightly guilty look on his face. “Sorry. I guess I should have mentioned that first. I have to make a trip out to the lumberyard to pick up some supplies. Do you mind doing the check-in if Larks comes before I get back?”

  Beth pushed down a moment of doubt. Of course, she could do this. It was part of running the store, after all.

  “No, I don’t mind. As long as you don’t mind if I make a mistake.”

  “I’m not afraid of that happening.” His tone was light, his eyes amused.

  Daniel’s face didn’t give much away, but when you knew him, you realized that his eyes told you everything you needed to know. If she had to have a partner, she was fortunate that it was an old friend like Daniel.

  Chapter Five

  Daniel went off to the lumberyard, and they were on their own. Beth felt confident of her abilities right up to the moment when she heard the buzzer that announced someone at the loading dock. Then her pulse jumped, and her voice went dry.

  Silly, she told herself, and marched back to the storeroom. She paused, momentarily forgetting how the loading dock worked, but then she spotted the pulley running along the right side. The pulley system made it easy to open the large doors at the dock, and once she’d done that successfully, her confidence began to return.

  The Englisch driver gave her a cheerful wave and, as he drew closer, a curious look. He probably realized she was someone new.

  “Good day. Just let me get the clipboard, and I’ll check in the order.” She tried to sound as if she did it every day, but suspected she’d failed.

  “Right you are.” He swung himself up to the back of the truck like a young man, although he had to be in his forties at least, with thinning hair partially hidden by a ball cap and the beginnings of a paunch. His brightly colored T-shirt stretched across it.

  Hurrying back to the opposite wall, she seized the Larks clipboard, quickly scanning the form. Simple enough, she thought. All she had to do was list the items delivered and the number of them.

  The driver was already unloading, so she hurried to find the contents on the outside of the cartons. Filling in the name was easy, since she was familiar with most of the products. The amount baffled her until she realized it was the number of cartons, not the individual bags.

  The driver’s curiosity got the better of him as he stacked cartons of crackers. “You’re new here, right?”

  Beth nodded. “I started last week.” There was no reason to get into details with the man. “You have a nice day for your deliveries.” The sun had burned off the early morning fog that was so typical in the fall.

  “Sure is. Let’s see now.” He stood back, checking his own list to compare it with what he’d brought. “Sure you don’t want another case of those sea salt chips? They’re selling fast.”

  “Just what’s on the list.” Beth softened the refusal with a smile. She certainly wouldn’t venture to order something on her own, not yet.

  He shrugged, holding out a receipt for her signature. “Nice seeing you. You’re a lot prettier than the guy who usually helped me. James, his name is. He off today?”

  Her stomach cramped. She should have realized the drivers would be familiar with James. And she certain sure shouldn’t have let herself be jolted just by his name.

  “He’s not with us anymore.” There, that was all she need say.

  The driver nodded, swinging himself up to his seat. He leaned out for a final word. “Not surprised he got the ax. Probably chased out of town by a jealous husband, right?”

  He slammed his door and drove off, leaving her standing frozen.

  How long she’d have stood there completely numb, she didn’t know. She was shaken into movement by the sound of footsteps behind her. Trying to hold herself together, she turned, not quite looking at Timothy.

  “I’ll get that.” He reached past her to close the door. “That was Tom Ellis, yah? Did he talk your ear off?”

  “N-not quite.” She gestured toward the boxes, shielding her expression with the clipboard. “These are all checked in. Do you know what to do with them now?”

  “Yah, sure. I’ll do that as long as you take care of the paperwork. Onkel Daniel doesn’t trust me with that since I marked down a dozen packages instead of a dozen cases.”

  He didn’t seem very upset, lifting several boxes in his arms. He looked at her quickly, and then his gaze moved away just as fast. “Everything okay?”

  Beth pulled herself together. “Yah, sure. I’ll just go...” She let that trail off. What she wanted to do was to be alone someplace where she could cry and yell if she wanted to. She couldn’t do that, but maybe she could find some privacy.

  Walking quickly back into the store, she paused. She wanted to hurry into the office and shut the door, but she’d better check on Benjy and see if Anna needed her first.

  Before she reached them, Anna raised her hand to catch Beth’s attention. She hurried to the counter, where Anna was loading baked goods into a bag for a young and pretty Englisch woman.

  “Will you... Would you mind taking my place for a few minutes?” She raised her eyes long enough to indicate the restroom.

  “Yah, of course.” What else could she say? She slid behind the counter and put the last few items into the woman’s bag. She had the usual things the Englisch looked for when they came here—the fresh fruit and vegetables along with the baked pastries and homemade soups.

  “There you are.” She forced herself to smile at the woman. What she wanted to do was to ask the questions that pounded in her mind. Did my husband flirt with you? Did he arrange to meet you somewhere?

  Before sh
e could do something so foolish, Benjy came trotting around the corner. “Timothy says I can help him put out the crackers and cookies. Can I, Mammi?”

  His smile sent enough warmth through her to slightly thaw her frozen heart. “Yah, but you must do what Timothy tells you.”

  “I will.” He was turning already to race back to Timothy.

  Another customer moved to the counter—the sort of person who fussed about everything. Were the squash really fresh? Didn’t she have any better spinach? Why didn’t they have any bananas?

  It took all the patience she could find to deal with her when what she wanted was to throw something. She stepped back with relief when Anna returned.

  “Denke, Anna.” She spun and hurried to the office before anyone could stop her.

  Safely inside, she closed the door and leaned back against it. She could hardly lock it without raising the questions she wanted to avoid, but at least she was alone for the moment.

  Burying her face in her hands, Beth stumbled toward the desk. Now that she could cry, the need for tears had left her. She stared, dry-eyed, at the calendar on the far wall, trying to think.

  She should not have been so shocked by the driver’s comment. Wasn’t it what she’d been thinking herself...that James hadn’t saved his charm for her? He’d been exercising it on other women so openly that even strangers noticed it.

  If strangers saw it enough to make jokes about it, what were the Leit saying? Her heart sank. The members of her own church family must have been talking about it.

  A rational thought stopped her before she could go too far down that road. It could not have been so obvious, could it? If so, the ministers or the bishop would have spoken to James. At least, no matter how humiliating it was, it hadn’t reached that level.

  Anger surged through her again. Was that all she had left to be thankful for? That James hadn’t exposed them to the church’s discipline with his behavior?

  The door behind her rattled. She spun around and then wished she hadn’t. Daniel stood there, and his expression made it clear he saw that something was wrong.

  * * *

  Daniel was aghast at the look on Beth’s face. What on earth could have happened in the short time he’d been gone? Two quick strides took him to her.

  “Ach, Beth. Don’t look that way. Whatever happened, it will be all right.”

  He shouldn’t have asked her to take care of the delivery. It was too soon to expect her to jump right into the running of the store. What was wrong with him?

  She shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears she obviously tried to hold back.

  “It doesn’t matter if there’s a problem with the delivery. We’ll straighten it out in no time.”

  He was trying to comfort her, but the anger in her face told him he was on the wrong track.

  “Delivery! Do you think I’m so stupid I can’t do something so simple?” She raised the clipboard, shoving it at him. “There, you see?”

  “Yah, of course you can.” Whatever he said was wrong, clearly. But what had happened to get her into such a state in a short time?

  But that quickly the brief flash of spirit was gone, replaced by a pain he could almost feel. “Please, tell me.”

  Beth looked away from him, biting her lip. “He...the driver...”

  “Tom Ellis? What did he do to upset you?” It was hard to imagine Tom getting out of line with her.

  “He asked where James was. I just said he wasn’t here any longer. And then he said—” She stopped, swallowing hard. “He said somebody’s husband must have chased him out of town.”

  So that was it. Had Beth really been so oblivious to James’s flirting? Apparently so. Now he had to smooth this over as best he could.

  “Ach, Beth, you can’t get upset at anything Tom says. He didn’t realize James had passed away, and he always has to tease. He didn’t mean anything.”

  Her head came up, eyes flashing. “I’m not a baby, Daniel. Don’t treat me like one. The man meant something by saying that, and I want to know what it was.”

  Daniel’s mind swung wildly through the possibilities. He couldn’t lie to her, but he couldn’t bear to hurt her more than she was already hurting.

  There was nothing for it but the truth, spoken as gently as possible.

  “Maybe Tom had the wrong impression of James. After all, he only saw him for a few minutes each time he came by. You know what James was like. With such a lively personality, he couldn’t help but chat with every customer. They enjoyed it.”

  “I guess they did,” she said, her voice somber and a little husky from holding back tears. “We both know James was a charmer, ain’t so? Was he flirting with some of the Englisch customers?”

  He had to answer when she looked at him that way, as if trusting him for the truth. “You could call it that, but he wouldn’t do anything out of line. You know that.”

  “Do I?” She seemed to wilt. “I’m not sure what I know anymore. And you... Would you be trying to cover up for your oldest friend?”

  “Beth...” He took her hands in his, unable to suppress the need to comfort her. “James wasn’t my oldest friend. You are. No matter that we were friends and partners, I wouldn’t lie to you for him.”

  He wasn’t lying. His suspicion wasn’t a fact, and he couldn’t speak of it to her.

  She was very close, and when she looked up at him, he could see the darkness in the green eyes that were usually as clear as glass. If he’d given her more pain...

  She put her hands up to her face, and he knew she was crying silently. His heart twisted. He put his arm around her, patting her shoulder.

  Daniel’s conscience pricked him. He didn’t just want to comfort Beth. He wanted...

  No. He couldn’t let himself feel this way for his friend’s wife. But he couldn’t seem to control it, and he couldn’t push her away when she needed comfort so badly.

  Beth must have been hit by the same thought. He could feel it in the way she stiffened. She took a step away from him. She wiped her eyes with her fingers, hiding her face from him.

  “Beth...” He struggled to find words.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry,” she said again.

  “It’s nothing.” He tried to sound normal. “Everybody needs to let their feelings out sometime. We’ll forget it, yah?”

  She forced a smile through the tears. “Yah. Denke.” She hurried away, heading back to the restroom to repair the trace of tears, he supposed.

  And he was left wondering what he should do. If he spoke of his suspicions to Beth, it wasn’t only a question of betraying his friend. He would hurt Beth even more than she’d already been hurt.

  But if he kept quiet, and then she found out... There were no good answers.

  * * *

  Beth found she was still brooding on the incident when she was doing the dishes after supper. It was foolish to dwell on such a small thing as leaning on a friend, but all the determination in the world couldn’t seem to wipe it from her mind.

  She had needed comfort in the wake of what she’d heard from the driver. She’d have turned to anyone who happened to offer sympathy, to Lydia or Grossmammi, but of course it hadn’t been. She’d put Daniel in an awkward position. Still, trying to apologize would only make it worse, wouldn’t it?

  The sound of a buggy coming up the lane did succeed in chasing the thoughts away. She leaned across the sink to peer out the window. It was Lydia, with Beth’s niece Janie sitting beside her. She hadn’t expected anyone tonight, but already Benjy was clattering down the steps, eager for company.

  “Look, Mammi, it’s Janie. Maybe she came to play with me.”

  “Maybe.” Wiping her hands on a tea towel, she followed him to the door. “Lydia is there, too. Be sure you greet each of them.”

  She didn’t have to wor
ry about that, as Benjy hurtled himself first at Janie and then at Lydia, beaming with pleasure. Did that outgoing personality of his come from his father? A chill touched her. It was a wonderful trait, as long as it didn’t lead him too far. Like James.

  “It’s wonderful gut to see both of you. But what—”

  “There, I told you she’d forgotten,” Lydia said. “You did, didn’t you?”

  Beth stared blankly, and Lydia laughed.

  “It’s the night our rumspringa gang is getting together at Esther Mueller’s house, remember? Well, never mind. We’ll be in plenty of time, and Janie is here to stay with Benjy.”

  “Yaay!” Benjy didn’t hesitate to express his joy. He grabbed his cousin’s hand. “Komm. We’ll play a game, ain’t so?”

  Janie nodded, and they scurried toward the living room before Beth could object.

  “I did forget.” She turned back to Lydia. “Honestly, I think I’d rather not go. I’ve had a long day, and...”

  “And you need to get out of the house and talk to some friends. If there’s anything our gang can do, it’s talk.”

  “But I really don’t want to.” She’d have to be firm, or Lydia would have her in the buggy before she knew it.

  “But you really need to,” Lydia countered. “Don’t bother to tell me you weren’t brooding, because I can see it in your face.” She linked her arm with Beth’s. “Is that the face you want your son to look at tonight? Komm, schnell.”

  Lydia’s analysis was too accurate, and Beth stopped resisting. “All right, I’ll go. But I warn you, I’m not going to be the life of the party.”

  “That’s okay, so long as you’re there.” Lydia hustled her out to the buggy.

  The sun was lingering at the top of the ridge, turning the valley a golden hue that looked like autumn. The chill in the air reinforced that thought. She’d always loved fall better than any season, but this year it threatened to be a melancholy time.